Counseling by Miller Wellness

Why Should Your Christian Counselor be Licensed

By Samuel JG Miller, M.A., Th.D., LMHC, NCC

(Fl. Lic. #MH8884)

Pastoral Counselor, Samaritan Counseling Services of the Gulf Coast, Sarasota, FL.

Revised March 7, 2010

Whether you go to a licensed or unlicensed counselor is an important part of your decision to “hire” a psychotherapist. Knowing what the issues are in this regard will make your job of doing “due diligence” much easier when you select a personal counselor for yourself or for your family.

First, your counselor should be competent. Second, a Christian counselor should demonstrate theological soundness. Third, a really good Christian counselor should meet strict standards of professionalism and accountability. Fourth, respect for worldview diversity is essential.

Why might someone prefer to see an unlicensed Christian counselor? One reason could be a belief that licensed counselors are more secular in their approach than Christian. Another reason might be that the counselor(s) promoted by one’s Church or in the media may be unlicensed. Additionally, mistrust of “modern secular psychology” as incompatible with the Christian Faith could make unlicensed counselors seem safer.

In fact, licensure does not make Christian counselors more secular. As the licensing agent, the State does not dictate a counselor’s methods or beliefs. Licensure simply signifies that the Christian counselor under consideration meets the same high standards of practice as any non-Christian or “secular” counselor.

While it is natural to follow the lead of one’s pastor or of impressive media promotions, it is also wise to inform oneself about any prospective counselor’s training, qualifications, and methods. Licensure does indicate that a Christian counselor knows how to use the science of psychology in the service of a client’s mental, emotional, and behavioral health. Because faith is only strengthened, not weakened, by applying to the concerns of the Christian life the practical knowledge and skills that licensure represents, psychology is better understood not as an the enemy of faith, but as one of a Christian’s best friends.

To obtain and maintain licensure, a counselor must satisfy the most rigorous standards of his or her professional discipline with regard to education, training, experience, and demonstrated competence.

Theological soundness means fidelity to the Christian vision of life, or worldview, that the Church has preserved since the time of the Apostles. Christians have always had to be careful not to be led astray by false teaching. In our time, as in every Christian generation, right belief always affirms God’s use of natural (worldly) means for supernatural (eternal) ends. Licensure neither requires nor guarantees right Christian belief or practice on the part of the counselor. Licensure does provide valuable evidence, however, that the Christian counselor is well-prepared to equip clients with practical ways to not only strengthen their faith, but also to more fully live by it.

To the prospective counseling client, licensure is also the best and most trustworthy evidence that their counselor has met and maintains accountability to the highest of professional and ethical standards. The licensed counselor can rightfully claim to be a professional practitioner because he or she is certified by and responsible to maintain the high standards not only of his or her professional association but also of the State Board of Licensure. To maintain licensure, for example, Christian counselors who are licensed must continually meet rigorous standards for Continuing Education that are set and monitored by the State Board of Health Regulations.

The Christian counselor with licensure is professionally as well as morally obligated to respect the particular worldview of each and every client. Worldview refers to the client’s spirituality and personal philosophy of life. Respect for worldview diversity is also required by the Christian teaching that every person bears the image of God, which consists, in large measure, of the gifts of intelligence and free will. Licensure, then, says that your counselor is committed to a respectful, non-manipulative approach to the spiritual beliefs and outlook every client, regardless of religious or non-religious identification.

In conclusion, why should your Christian counselor be licensed? Frankly, you owe it to yourself to have every available assurance that the counselor you choose will meet the highest standards of competence, theological soundness, professionalism and accountability, and respect for worldview diversity. This is your life we are talking about; as a child of God who bears His image, you deserve nothing less!

Sometimes years pass when our work and personal lives seem to operate in well-functioning ways. Then an issue, or series of issues, begins to cause these parts of our lives to overlap. Pressure builds and we begin to talk about ‘stress.’ The normal separation between work and home isn’t quite so clear; the effect of parallel themes has set in.

How can you tell if this is happening to you, and what can you do about it? 

Some of what you need to look for is very practical –

• are you as efficient at home and work as usual?
• do you find yourself thinking more than usual about home when at work, and work when at home?
• do you find yourself sad, irritable, maybe a little depressed, without being able to say what is causing those feelings??
• are there  parallel only at the last idea, parallel themes, because although they’re right there before us, many of us miss the significance of parallel themes. We fail to recognize them, so may become overwhelmed by their emotional impact.

A helpful example is when illness strikes someone in your family.  Most of us respond by taking time off work if necessary, going to doctor’s appointments, and being emotionally and physically supportive.

What we may fail to take into account – wanting to be helpful, honestly self-sacrificing, and loving – is that those changes in our routine, let alone the concern we have for our family member, take a toll on us emotionally and often physically. We need more rest- and get less. We need to get work tasks done – but are away. We need to clean the house – but are caring for our family member. For a few days this isn’t a problem for most healthy people, but after several weeks, we may begin to feel the pressure of these changes.

Then something happens at work – a co-worker you care about becomes ill (that’s the parallel theme). Very often we send a card or flowers, call the person if possible, perhaps take food to the family, and wait for news. If the news is good, the theme drops out of our lives – we’ve displayed kindness, the person is getting better, and we did what we felt was necessary to respond to the situation. If either the illness is potentially severe, or  the person does not begin to recover as expected, the theme is woven more deeply into our lives.

We worry about our family member’s illness; we wonder what will happen at work? We are concerned about accomplishing all we need to at home, and we’re asked to take on extra duties at work.  Most of us are willing to do so – we function well when under the pressure of giving. The sense of being needed obviates the stress, and we gradually accommodate the new routine quite well.

But what if we don’t, as may happen if it goes on too long, or is disorganized? What are the signs that  little “slippage” is happening and what can you do about it?

Some Signs of Slippage:

• details are hard to remember
• fatigue sets in
• tasks don’t get done because “I just don’t want to do it” sets in
• sleep is restless or interrupted
• appetite changes – either you eat more, or much less, than usual without even realizing it
• what you eat changes – you know you’re buying “junk food” and don’t have the will to stop yourself

What to do about Slippage when you notice it?

• identify parallel themes in your life. I’ve posed them as parallel themes between work and home, but they could also be between different parts of your home life, or different parts of your work life
• accept them – yes, that’s right – acknowledge these themes as valid
• check for the signs of slippage – and the list of signs at the beginning of this article – which ones are having an impact on you, and are there others (my lists are not exhaustive, they’re just to get you started thinking about yourself)?
• Choose your response to what you find –
  • if you’re having trouble getting your work done because of your concerns both about work and home responsibilities, talk to soc
  •  well – identify someone who can be helpful and is trustworthy, let that person know how you’re being affected, and ask for support.
  • be specific – “Can I check in with you briefly each morning?”  “Will you help me get the numbers together for Friday’s meeting?”
  • express your thanks in appropriate ways
• Choose your response – not an typographical error – just a different set of ideas!
  • begin to alter what has changed
  • eat properly – gently challenge your choices
  • slow your evening down to promote healthy sleep
  • organize your day as much as possible – become a list maker, so your brain knows your tasks are going to be accomplished, by you or with help
  • meditate, pray, self-reflect by paying attention to your breath –when your mind wanders, simply draw your attention back to your breath.  As this practice becomes familiar, you will look forward to these “oases” in your day. Try for several short sessions as needed, and one or two longer ones (work up to 15-30 minutes) every day.
  • be realistic – plan how much help you can offer at home and at work, and stick to it. You can be flexible if you know you will respect your own limits.

Ultimately these parallel themes can be very positive – as you  practice self-reflection you gain awareness; as you ask for help, you feel supported; as you accomplish you tasks, you feel more confident and competent; and as you practice the self-discipline of organizing your day, you begin to feel less stress about getting everything done.

The result of doing these things? A greater sense of inner peace, the ability to be more present both at home and at work, and the potential for increased emotional and physical health.

Watch for the themes, then take action – you can do it!

Melissa Miller, LCSW

www.melissacmiller.com

www.solidgoldmarriage.com

www.millerwellnessgroup.com

EMAIL: melissa@melissacmiller.com

© 2009 All Rights Reserved: Article may be used unaltered as long as attribution is given to the author.

A wonderful part of my distance counseling program is pre-marital counseling. Many clergy and other professionals who marry couples, and some cities, require pre-marital counseling. The usual number is three sessions, unless an issue comes up which requires more sessions to resolve. Although the research shows that eight sessions is the optimal number for making a significant impact on the couple, much can be accomplished in three sessions.

What to Expect

I ask couples to fill  out (independently) an assessment which I email to them. The assessment is designed to help each partner think through some common ‘distress vulnerability’ areas of marriage:

Introduction: Help me get to know you – tell me how you met, how old you are, what you like to do together, and about your family of origin.

Religious/Spiritual: How do you make meaning out of your life? Are you able to talk about this with your partner, and does he/she share the same values and beliefs? If not, how do you see that affecting your marriage?

Married Life: Your expectations about all aspects of married life – finances, who works, children, working after children, drugs/alcohol/addictions, emotional and physical intimacy, fidelity, household tasks, careers.

Communication. How well do you communicate already? What are the pitfalls, the places it begins to fall apart? How well do you disagree/argue?

The assessments are emailed back to me before the first session, and form the basis of the counseling. In this way I can quickly discover what the couple has already discussed, to what degree, and whether or not I have any recommendations for them. I can also help them talk about areas they haven’t covered yet, and support them in the areas that are already strong indicators of a good marriage.

After the third session I send a brief, general report (if requested) to the referring party (generally the person marrying the couple). This report includes topics discussed (not the content of the discussions), total number of sessions completed, and any areas of vulnerability I believe need to be mentioned. I always discuss my report with the couple before sending it.

Pre-marital counseling is conducted via telephone or live chat. I do not use email for pre-marital counseling sessions. The cost is $200, total; some insurance companies may cover a portion of the sessions – upon request, I’ll send you a receipt to submit to your insurance carrier, but cannot guarantee reimbursement.

I’d be happy to help you with your pre-marital counseling requirement – please call 941-993-6818 or email melissa@melissacmiller.com for more information.

Your goals and mine are the same – giving your marriage the very best start! 

On Jan. 31, 2009, 21 women participated in a very special all day retreat designed to help them learn about the lies women believe about their bodies, and the negative self-image that is often the result of self-criticism. In the welcoming atmosphere provided by Harvest United Methodist Church in Lakewood Ranch, Florida (www.harvest-umc.org) we discussed the impact of culture on a woman’s self image. We learned how to reflect mindfully on our beliefs, change what is not helpful or limiting, and enhance what is useful and congruent with our faith.

Feedback included testimonies of having grown closer to God through the ministry of this workshop; having developed a more accepting attitude toward the changes and limitations of their bodies; and having a renewed sense of joy in the strengths and health they do have. Re-visiting the truth of being incarnate women of God helped dispel many misconceptions about true health and beauty, and provided the women with a resource – their relationship with God – for continuing their spiritual journey.  

For me, the privilege of sharing this workshop with these women was a blessing. To the Harvest Women’s Ministry Team – a BIG prayer of thanks to each of you; to each participant, my appreciation that you chose to share your stories so honestly, eloquently and respectfully; I learned so much from you.

May God continue to bless the work you started during the Love Your Changing Body retreat.  

For more information on how you can bring this very special retreat day to your church or group, contact Melissa at:

Samaritan Counseling Services of the Gulf Coast: 941-926-2959

Business cell phone: 941-993-7132

Email: melissa@melissacmiller.com  

I’m delighted to announce that the Love Your Changing Body Retreat sponsored by Harvest United Methodist Church has been rescheduled for Saturday, January 31, 2009.

This is a retreat day for women who are adjusting to changes in their bodies and energy levels, whether from illness, injury, pregnancy, aging, emotional attitudes, or for any other reason.

In the supportive environment provided at Harvest, we will explore the impact of many types of changes on our sense of self and on our spiritual expressions.  In an interactive format we’ll talk about why our attitudes about our bodies matter, and what we can do to enhance what’s already good in our attitudes, and adjust what may be hurting us or holding us back.

With time for small group and quiet personal reflection, you will leave the workshop with a better understanding of the  links between body attitude, emotional wellness, and spiritual health.

This retreat is for women in all stages of spiritual growth, and from any faith tradition, although it will be presented from a Christian perspective.

Time: 8:30am – 4:30pm

Cost: $25 including lunch, snacks, and materials.

Advance registration is requested: deadline January 23rd.

Call Melissa at 941-993-7132 to register.

Place: Harvest United Methodist Church, 14305 Covenant Way, Lakewood Ranch, FL, near Sarasota.

Directions:

From Rt. 75, get off at the University Ave. exit.

Go East to Lorraine Ave. (several stoplights) and turn left onto Lorraine.

Turn right at the first opportunity, onto Covenant Way (about 300 yards.)

Harvest is the church (and only building) on the left.

Due to unforeseen scheduling complications both workshops listed below have been postponed until after the first of the year.

Check back for more information in December!

Melissa 

Developments over the summer include plans for two workshops in the Sarasota area this fall – both sponsored by Harvest United Methodist Church in Lakewood Ranch, and made possible because of our work for Samaritan Counseling Services of the Gulf Coast, Inc.

Miller Wellness Group is pleased to be presenting Celebrate Your Marriage, Sept. 26 and 27, 2008- this will be an upbeat, skill enhancing look at what makes good marriages good, and even better! Held at a beautiful retreat center in Sebring, Florida, this workshop will be an overnight (or weekend if you choose to stay Saturday night on your own!) relaxing getaway filled with conversation as a large group, time for the two of you, and time in small groups.

The cost is $150 per couple and includes your room, dinner Friday night, breakfast and lunch Saturday, and your materials for the workshop with Dr. Sam Miller, LMHC, and Melissa Miller, LCSW.

Call Melissa at 941-993-7312 to register.

REGISTER EARLY – SPACE IS LIMITED TO THE FIRST 25 COUPLES!

This workshop is portable – we’ll be happy to consider presenting it for your church or other organization – please call or email for more information. 941-993-6818; liss@solidgoldmarriage.com

The second workshop is called Love Your Changing Body, to be presented October 25, 2008, and held at Harvest United Methodist Church in lakewood Ranch, Florida.

This workshop has been designed and will be presented by Melissa Miller, LCSW. Liss has long noticed a trend in her counseling practice, where women of all ages are struggling with accepting various types of changes showing up in their bodies. Whether it’s due to illness, pregnancy, aging, cultural images, surgery gone wrong, scars, family problems or genetics - women often locate their dissatisfactions with life in – and on – their bodies.  

In a supportive environment learn why we should love our bodies despite their changes, how to get started loving your body, and how to deepen your skills to remain confident in your new attitude about yourself. You’ll have time to listen, speak if you wish in large and small groups, and spend time in personal reflection. 

Call or email Liss at: 941-993-6818; liss@millerwellnessgroup.com for more information! Space is limited – register early. 

Liss is available to present this workshop to your group, or will be happy to design a workshop to suit your needs.  Call or email to discuss your ideas!

It’s been a busy winter!

With Sam and Liss both working for Samaritan Counseling Services of the Gulf Coast, as well as for our own Miller Wellness Group company, we’ve been on the run and enjoying every minute of it!

Liss has been developing several new and exciting workshops – Love Your Changing Body, Apply Christianity, and, with Sam, Celebrate Marriage! Dates for these workshops will be announced in the near future. Please contact Liss if you know you’re interested. She will keep your best dates in mind as she finalizes her schedule.

Sam has developed two workshops in addition to Celebrate Marriage! - In Love With Marriage, and Home Economics. In Love With Marriage includes Sam’s well thought out and concise set of tips for making any marriage better than ever!

Home Economics is program designed to help parents discover two different ways to think about parenting – one is the ”big view” – what are the family’s values, philosophies, dreams, desires?  The other is the smaller view - like how a particular family handles discipline, mealtime, bedtime, choosing a vacation spot, or deciding what to do this week end. 

All of Sam and Liss’s workshops are suitable for small or large groups, churches, private or public venues. We can be reached by phone or email – feel free to contact us with questions, comments, or for more information.

941-993-7312

liss@millerwellnessgroup.com

sam@millerwellnessgroup.com

Wishing you well!

Sam and Liss

Sam and Melissa Miller have been coaches and counselors for 18 and 14 years, respectively. While they have their special interests, they are united in their focus on an integrated approach to wellness.

Miller Wellness Group now encompasses Sam’s own site, www.samuelgmiller.com and Melissa’s site,  www.loveyourchangingbody.com . Easily reached from this one page, Sam and Melissa will provide you with informative, fun, and interactive (coming soon) information about fitness, emotional and spiritual well being, and other topics of interest.

Sam and Melissa welcome your input – suggestions are welcome and will be most easily communicated through posting to this blog, or by sending an email to:

sam@samuelgmiller.com

melissa@melissacmiller.com

We hope to hear from you soon!